You know that feeling when you do really well on a test you studied for? Since I’m up here, you can probably guess that I’ve felt it a lot. The feeling I have right now, standing in front of you all, is pretty similar, which is why I’m not going to talk about it– it’s just not that interesting.
What I really want to tell you are the regrets that this award comes with and what the process of getting it has revealed to me.
The first is that getting this award probably wasn’t worth it. I took classes I didn’t enjoy, worked on assignments I didn’t care about, and spent a lot less time getting to know all of you than I should have. And here I am, still not exactly sure what I gained, what sacrificing so much to see a little number go up by 0.1 did for me. Did colleges want me more because of that 0.1? Did the 0.1 mean I learned more? I’m not sure.
Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, but I think we have to decide for ourselves what they are. I made the mistake of following a path I thought I should take instead of coming up with one myself.
I’m jealous of my classmates who have already pursued their interesting hobbies and know exactly what they want to do. I realized that too late. I’ve started approaching things differently. I’ve started prioritizing myself over a system. I’ve started to ask myself: what am I gaining from taking classes I don’t see the value in? Who or what do I owe so much of my time to that I should live my life doing things the exact way they decide– even if I could achieve a lot more my own way?
I have nothing against Piedmont High. Some of my fondest memories took place in these classrooms. Hearing the passion behind Dr. Mark’s lectures about the origins of the English Language, the debates we had in Ms. Freeman’s supreme court simulation, the dating profiles of organelles from Ms. Seto’s class, the way Mr. Keller made the story about John Brown seem like an action movie, and the jokes Mr. Palsa interspersed with calculus to make an otherwise duller subject into one of the most entertaining, all remind me of what I love about this school: it did give me the chance to pursue what I love and the things I find meaningful.
But everyone’s experience is different. There are always going to be things that just aren’t worth doing, and I think it's fair to figure out what those are for yourself instead of letting others figure it out for you.
This speech may sound cynical, but there’s another side to the coin.
College is the next step. And even though it’s a lot harder, you’ll have the chance to learn what you want, in the ways you want. And once you figure out what you actually think you should be doing, what you feel is meaningful, I promise you will work ten times harder.
This award means I’m good at school, but no class, subject, homework or essay can hold my attention for hours at a time like something I’m truly passionate about. Whether it's coding a personal project, writing an essay about an original thought, or reading an interesting philosophical argument, it’s these passions that keep me up working until 2AM even when there’s no due date in sight.
Some of you might wonder if I’ve given up on school, if I don’t care about learning anymore. But even now, in the second semester of senior year, I’m taking college classes outside of Piedmont High. I’m not doing it for credits– there's no guarantee they’ll transfer. I’m not doing it to become valedictorian… again. I’m doing it because I found what I genuinely enjoy learning, and I encourage you to find your passions too.
Thank you.